Episode 831 - Finding Your Martial Arts Family
In this episode, Jeremy and Andrew discuss how people can find their true martial arts family.
Finding Your Martial Arts Family - Episode 831
Finding a community where we feel motivated and comfortable can lead to forming personal connections with others.
In this episode, Jeremy and Andrew discuss how people can find their true martial arts family. They suggest that individuals should start by identifying what they are looking for in a school beyond just the style or methodology of training, such as the school's culture and the instructor's teaching style.
After listening to the episode, it would be exciting for us to know your thoughts about it. Don’t forget to drop them in the comment section down below!
Show Transcript
You can read the transcript below.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Hey, what's going on everybody? Welcome. This is whistlekick Martial Arts Radio. And on today's episode, Andrew and I are going to talk about the importance and steps to find your martial arts family. Because sometimes the family you are born into, it's not necessarily the family that you need. Stick around. If you're new, check out whistlekick.com. If you're not new, check out whistlekick.com because it is constantly changing. Because we do so many things that we have a bunch of stuff going up there all the time. I recently, without getting hyper-specific, there's a big event that we're putting on and I just made a whole bunch of updates related to that. So you could check that out.
You could also go to whistlekickmartialartsradio.com and check that out. If you're listening versus watching, you miss out on Andrew's goofiness. I really encourage you to watch the videos on YouTube to get the full experience of Andrew and his silliness. whistlekick martial arts and his voguing apparently. whistlekickmartialartsradio.com is a place to go to go deeper on the show from links about social media and websites for the guests to transcripts to once in a while, we talk about, oh, you know, that movie or that fight scene or whatever and we put all that stuff in. You can find all that there. You can also sign up for the newsletter. You can tip us if that is of interest to you. If you don't want to do the recurring Patreon thing, you can tip us at Martial Arts Radio website. And there's a bunch of other stuff over there.
But if you really love us, if you love the show, if you want to support the show, let me give you three big things you can do. You can share an episode with people. You can leave a review somewhere. Both of those things are quick and free. You could also spend as little as $2 a month and join our Patreon. But Jeremy, does $2 really help you? Yes, it does. Because here's what happens, when people go to the Patreon and they see that a bunch of other people are sharing their hard-earned money with us for the content that we provide for free, it makes them that much more willing. There are podcasts out there that the vast majority of what they bring in, their entire revenue stream is Patreon. I would love that to be us. I'm happy that we have sponsorships happening now. Not on this episode, but we've got sponsorships going. What if we could cover all of the bills with our Patreon? That would be really nice. You know where the deficit comes from? My wallet.
Andrew Adams:
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Yeah. So...
Andrew Adams:
Yeah, it'd be nice if this show didn't lose money.
Jeremy Lesniak:
It would be nice if the show didn't lose money and we'll get there. We'll get there eventually. So, to those of you who love what we do, please, if you have not already, please just check out patreon.com/whistlekick, look at the stuff that's over there and see what we can do. All right. So when we talk about family, we use the word family in a few different ways regarding whistlekick. We are a family, right? You know, in fact, I think we've mentioned on the show that the usage of the word family occurred at your kitchen table. A place I've had several meals.
Andrew Adams:
Yeah, yeah. It was deliberate. We were trying to come up with a word to describe strong supporters of the show.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Yep, and of our mission, right?
Andrew Adams:
Yep.
Jeremy Lesniak:
And that word has taken on some gravity of its own which I'm very honored by that people use that word. We're not the only ones that use that word referring to whistlekick in the associations, the relationships that have occurred because of events, etc. But the word family can be used in other ways, too, and I think it is the appropriate word, and it's part of why we used it in, I'm referencing our blog of episodes, that's what I'm pointing to, not that anybody can see that. I think the word has a lot of meaning, and it is warranted in this context as well, finding your martial arts family. We could have called this episode finding the best martial arts school for you, but that's not necessarily what we're talking about. Because I'll be honest, I have trained at martial arts schools that did not offer as strong a martial arts education, but I felt at home.
Andrew Adams:
Yeah, and conversely, there are people that I consider in my martial arts family for sure that do not train at my school. Now, that's not to say they have to be mutually exclusive.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Right.
Andrew Adams:
And I think we would both agree that in a vast majority of the cases, they will be kind of.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Yeah. Most people don't have the opportunities to connect with as many people from around the world training as you and I do. I hope someday that everyone does. That would be great. But for most people, their martial arts family are the folks that they train with. The folks that are working out in their school consistently, those are their family. And we've heard plenty of stories on martial arts radio about what happens when that is not a healthy family. We've heard it time and again, whether it's physical assault or indifference or greed, right? Sadly, being a martial artist doesn't exclude human fallibility from the mix.
Andrew Adams:
Yep.
Jeremy Lesniak:
And in most of those stories, we heard about the guest finding another school where they belong. And there's almost this collective, this sigh you can hear in the energy when they talk about that, that they just, they're so much more relaxed. And when I get the opportunity to talk with them, I can feel it. And I can feel how happy they are as they recount the story of moving from a place that maybe was or been changed or never was familial for them. And they find their people. It's pretty powerful. You've trained at a number of different schools. Can you speak to this?
Andrew Adams:
Yeah. And we've talked on the show a number of times about the culture of a school. And I think, the connections you make with the people in the school start there.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Sure.
Andrew Adams:
They start with the culture that the school has fostered. Or maybe hasn't fostered is another way that that could happen as well, right? And I think the first step is determining what it is you're looking for in the school itself, right? Outside of looking at the people in the school, looking at being in an environment that is the type of environment that you want to be.
Jeremy Lesniak:
It does. It absolutely does. Now, this can be difficult. Because sometimes you've got to stay at the school you're at for whatever reason, right? You have, we talk a lot about why and identifying the why is so critical. It is not always possible that your why and your people, your family line up directly. It's beautiful when it does. It doesn't always happen that way. And I'm not even going to speculate whether it's most of the time it does or doesn't. I don't know that it matters. But sometimes you have to piece your family together. That is not an uncommon thing for people to talk about their personal lives that maybe they grew up with a difficult blood family. And their family now is a group of people that they've pieced together that essentially are friends. They're, you know, they're family. Friends giving, right? Like, these are terms that we often use and martial arts family can be very similar. You know, it's something that we see occur at whistlekick events quite often. Because a lot of the people that show up have been around for a long time. And sadly, the longer you do a thing, the more likely you're going to experience some bad stuff. And for some people, they can only handle so many bad experiences before they withdraw. And getting them to come whistlekick event might not always be easy, but when they do, they realize, oh, there are some other people here that maybe I want them to be part of my family. I would guess there are quite a few people out there who consider you and I part of their martial arts family. Probably even if they don't know us personally. Because we're in their ears twice a week and they like hearing what we say and we've gotten them to think and they find value in spending the time with us. And I consider everyone out there to be part of my martial arts family as a collection. I mean, I don't know all of you personally, and I don't even know probably most, well, certainly I don't know most of your names. But I know who you are as a group and I do think about you and a great deal of what I do and why I do it is because of you. And if that's not family, I don't know what it is.
Andrew Adams:
Yeah, it's a good point.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Your turn.
Andrew Adams:
So, you know, I talked about step one, looking at like what it is you're looking for. It's if in the martial arts school, you know, for me, and we've, I've talked about this in the past that I'm not a big tournament goer. There are definitely benefits and value to going to tournaments, which I have started to do one or two a year. But I would not find comfort being at a school that does 25 tournaments...
Jeremy Lesniak:
And makes it a strong part of their culture.
Andrew Adams:
Yeah, even yeah, yeah. Because even if they didn't intentionally make it a strong part of their culture, they're going to be going to 25 tournaments a year. There's going to be intentional or not pressure to get to go.
Jeremy Lesniak:
I see what you're saying.
Andrew Adams:
Right? And so, there's zero judgment for schools that do that. It's just not what I was looking for. And so when I, you know, started looking into training after, you know, a couple of break, a couple of years off, that was one of my first things I looked for is I looked for a school that was not a large competition school. Because that fit into what I was looking for. And if everybody is at that school that is also not looking for lots of tournaments, we already have something in common. We already have a bridge that we can stand on to talk to each other, which helps make that family connection start to happen. And so I think finding the right school for you is that's absolutely the first step in finding your right family.
Jeremy Lesniak:
The word that was coming to mind as you were speaking is alignment. That if your why lines up with how the school operates and trains and their why and the why's of the other people if those things will start to line up, that's your family.
Andrew Adams:
Yeah.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Because if we go back to the examples outside of the martial arts, if you are born into a family that is one way and you're very much a different way, you're not in alignment and maybe I'll hear people say, well, yeah, they're my family, right? But there's no conviction there. But the people I really feel like our family are these other people over here that I'm aligned with, right? So it's about, you know, first, it's your why, right? Like I beat that horse. I'm going to keep beating it because it needs, people do not spend enough time identifying why they do things. If you understand why you train and what's important to you, then you can find the school that matches up. This is why I get so frustrated when people start with well, I trained in this style. I need to find another school that's in this style. Not the most important thing.
Andrew Adams:
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I couldn't agree more. Because the broad generalization, I just made that word up.
Jeremy Lesniak:
No, that's a real word. That's just called talking.
Andrew Adams:
But the overall reasons for, you know, for your wanting to train, like I wasn't looking for a competition school, but I wasn't also narrowing it down to, I had had trained in Shotokan, I was not narrowing my mindset to I have to find a Shotokan school because that wasn't what was important to me. The important thing to me was that I was training and I was getting active and I was learning new things. It could have been Kung Fu. I have zero experience in Kung Fu. But it could have been, but I walked in and was looking for a nontournament school. Then, I started looking at the instructor and how they taught, and their teaching style. Because if I'm not happy learning from this particular individual, or if they teach in a style that I would not be able to learn from, then it's not going to be enjoyable for me. And so, I am less likely to form personal connections with other students because I'm going to go there and not be happy to do it.
Jeremy Lesniak:
I want to come at this at a slightly different angle because there's still so many people out there who, when they qualify a school, they start with style. They start with whatever the training methodology is of that school. And for me, that is so far down the list. And I think that if you truly want to be happy and you want an environment where you are going to thrive, not just as a martial artist, but as a human being, then the style is, as you just talked about, is far down the list. For me, I start with where am I going to be motivated to go to consistently? I've lived in areas where, you know, there's a school down the street and I choose to drive an hour that way because the school that way lines up with what I want. It's aligned with my why. It is my family and my family has changed, my martial arts family has changed multiple times. But when I think back on those times, those memories, those family gatherings, they were really significant to me. Because that group of us, whether it was 5 or 50, had something in common that was far more than the techniques that we were doing.
Andrew Adams:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeremy Lesniak:
Anything else we want to say on this? Before I encourage, I'm going to encourage people.
Andrew Adams:
Yeah, no, I think that's good. Like find a school that is aligned with the things that you would or would not like to do. Then look at the instructor and watch a class or two, or take part. I encourage taking part. I know everyone's like, just watch a class, just sit and watch. I'd much rather get up and do. That's me, personally. But, you know, check out the instructor's teaching style and make sure that it aligns with what you are looking for. And I think if you do that, and if everyone does that, then you know that you're in a place where you, it'll be a lot easier for you to find a family within that community.
Jeremy Lesniak:
So this is what I want to encourage you. Most of us know what an unhealthy blood family looks like. You know what an unhealthy martial arts family looks like too. If you are in a school that is not aligned with what is important to you, it doesn't matter if it's good for other people. If it's not good for you, it's time to find another option. And it's time to make that a priority. Because a number of things happen when you refuse to put in the effort to find your true martial arts family. You slow your progress as a martial artist and as a human being. You likely contribute negative energy to the group that you're in. So you're actually harming everyone else probably a little bit. And if it's something that is significant or things are occurring that should not be occurring by you remaining, you are giving implicit permission to the people committing those acts to continue committing. None of those are okay. You deserve better. Everyone deserves better. And if someone tells you otherwise, you can send them my way. You can have them email me, jeremy@whistlekick.com. I will explain it to them. I have no problem doing that. Right? We're good? Anything else? We got it. Okay. This is where we used to do more of this, but if somebody out there has a situation that they want to unpack, reach out. It is always private. Unless you don't want it to be. You know, maybe we put you on the show with a voice changer if, you know, we can silhouette you and voice changer you like old news magazine shows like 2020 and hard copy and stuff that used to do that. That stuff was fun. I'm not saying we have to do that, but regardless, anything that you ever share with me is private, unless I explicitly ask you if it cannot be and you give me permission. So if you have a circumstance that you want to talk through, because I've done this dozens of times with people, I'm here. I will support you. If you're not comfortable coming to me, Andrew, can I speak for you that you are also comfortable with that? Okay.
Andrew Adams:
Absolutely. Yeah.
Jeremy Lesniak:
So don't be afraid to reach out to us. Or if you have somebody else that you're more comfortable with, talk to them. You deserve to have a true martial arts family. If you have never been in that kind of situation before, I can't even tell you how much it will change everything for you. And if you are kind of on your own, you're not sure where your family is, well, you can count me as part of your family. Email me, tell me that you're doing that. Okay? We'd love to hear from you regardless. Our social media is @whistlekick, jeremy@whistlekick.com, andrew@whistlekickmartialartsradio.com. If you want to have us out for a seminar, let us know. If you want to get on the waiting list for consulting, you want your school to grow in the most authentic integrity-driven methodology that I'm aware of existing in the martial arts consulting space, let me know. I appreciate every one of you. Thank you for your time. Until next time, train hard, smile, and have a great day.